I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
