The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
