you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my shit smells like andre
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
