Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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