On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
