Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
