That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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