Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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