I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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