We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
