VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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