mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Your tits are I can't wait for
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
