I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He better not be in your backpack
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
