i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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