A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he shaved USA in his pubs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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