did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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