mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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