so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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