Umm I'm too high to move.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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