If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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