Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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