Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
