My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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