Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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