She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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