I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
