It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
