I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
