If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
