So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
