hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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