i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
