20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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