Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
