And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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