I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
