what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
