just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
