I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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