This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
