Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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