I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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