New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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