After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're like the curious george of whores
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
