You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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