it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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