she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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