I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
