At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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