Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
