You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
