I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
