did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
