Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Rumble strips road head = magical
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
