Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
