4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
