I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
