How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she looked like the before picture.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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