hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
