even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
