Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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