so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
