I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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