none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize