apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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