We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
