cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize