I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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