For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
