i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I forget how to act sober
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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