Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
