Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The feeling are messing with the penis
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
