I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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