I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize