What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
