walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
