Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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