just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
