His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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